[Becca.]

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 02:34:35 GMT

I feel my relationship tumbling down around me, and I can't do anything about it.
Furthermore, I have no one to blame.

Why am I so bad at this?
Do I have unrealistic expectations from a boyfriend?
I can't help that I expect the best.

Mon, 04 May 2009 05:39:09 GMT

I'm a jerk to the people I care about.

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:42:55 GMT

Chris left my lights on and killed my car battery.
The technician said I had "a few starts left" on it after he jumped it, and that I need to buy a new one.
I had to replace the battery to the tune of $120.
And yesterday was when I found I have overdraft fees on my checking account.
I have $10 in my wallet, and I owe $277.48
He did not offer to help even though it was his fault.

*sigh* I guess I expect too much kindness from people.
This is after he was broke early in the year so I bought him his $100 physics text book.
What am I going to do?
Dad will *not* give me money.

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 05:31:02 GMT

pharmacy school interview in 8 hours

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 06:58:56 GMT

I am Becca.
I am 5'2'', I weigh 125 pounds, my BMI is 22.9, and I AM COMFORTABLE WITH MY BODY.
I AM NOT GOING TO STARVE MYSELF.
I AM NOT GOING TO THROW UP.
I AM BEAUTIFUL THE WAY I AM.

Why does it get harder every day to believe these things?
What has the world come to when "healthy" is fat and "unhealthy" is perfect?
Why do I feel like a whale because I wear a 4?
I should be a 0.
How ridiculous... my size should literally be nonexistent.

I refuse to feel bad about myself for eating twice a day and digesting it.
But I do feel bad about myself and it's not fair.

I wish I was good enough to be sold on ebay AS-IS

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 04:06:00 GMT

When people meet me and are my friends they think I'm awesome and fun.
And then they want me to change small things that don't matter.
One by one, picking and picking.
Why can't I be a buy it now deal, as-is in working order.
I'm not a train wreck.
I swear I'm ok the way I am.
I am improving every day without any prodding.
It's being human.

I'm actually gonna do it.

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 21:23:24 GMT

I am applying to pharmacy school in a week or so, when my references e-submit them.
I am so excited and scared.
I dont want to have to tell my dad I have to take another year before Pharm school.

For Maxine

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 01:10:54 GMT

Every once in awhile I see something that I know Maxine would love.
I'm pretty sure this is one of them.
In fact, Maxine I think you probably could make it yourself:

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vt_related_1&listing_id=18350336

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 00:23:26 GMT

Got a 97 (possibly 100) on my first calculus based physics test!

that's all

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 06:40:11 GMT

He's got my future all planned out
I hope I don't mess it up.

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 21:56:40 GMT

I need to learn not to talk to people when its the week before that time of the month.

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 16:39:09 GMT

I DONT WANNA WORK ANYMORE.
why are shrooms so hard to find anyways?

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 03:22:37 GMT

Sometimes I wonder how many people out there dislike me because I broke up with Shea.

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 05:25:45 GMT

I just love having my phone disconnected by the Strausman family.
that shows a level of maturity that I didn't know had been reached by adults.
now I can't keep my number.
thanks a lot assholes.
I offered to pay the bill, but you wouldn't let me.
I promised to leave and you wouldn't activate my phone so I could.
Fuck you for making my days a little worse for no reason.

Oh and thanks for leaving me stranded without a phone
WITHOUT EVEN WARNING ME BEFOREHAND.

Really thoughtful.

Fuck you.

So by the way friends I'll be getting a new number soon so send me a facebook message if you want it and I don't already have your number :)

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 06:03:59 GMT

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 18:59:25 GMT

There is a distinct possibility I wont be going back to school in the fall at this point.

Tue, 27 May 2008 00:21:51 GMT

http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/

Sun, 25 May 2008 08:20:02 GMT

I'm looking for validation in all the wrong places.
I think I really messed up my future.

How am I going to be an asset to my husband or to my kids if I can't make enough money to matter?
Am I destined to be a leech for the rest of my life, never having the freedom to not ask others for what I need or want?
Will the rest of my life be asking permission of my significant other?
Will I have to look into a child's eyes and say no to a dream?

Is my ineptitude going to drive him away?
When?
How long do I have before...

Wed, 21 May 2008 22:17:07 GMT

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0061256684?tag=wairan-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=0061256684&adid=0NS739XKBJPB221Z6VXW&

Me want!!

Mon, 12 May 2008 09:11:33 GMT

I can't sleep and I can't stop thinking about my mommy.
I really miss her.

Sat, 10 May 2008 06:07:09 GMT

So let's see.
Chris is 458.43 miles away from me and could be that way for upwards of three and a half months.
Hopefully he will be visiting in July (!!) but it isn't certain, the tickets are expensive and we were planning on buying a PS3 together.
This will be a trying summer, I think we all know how well long-distance relationships go.
It has nothing to do with him or me... it just sucks not seeing someone even if you really really really need to.
Hopefully neither of us will, and hopefully the ultimate trust he has earned out of me so far is not unfounded.
I am sure he won't disappoint me, he's the most trust-worthy person I've ever met.

Also, I've finally moved into my own room, so anyone who would like to visit (random but welcomed) is encouraged hahaha.

Nothing new going on, but I really need to go clothes shopping, any takers?

Blah blah blah I'm bored.

>.<

Goodnight all, keep it real for once will you?
You know who you are if you aren't.
I don't harbor ill feelings to anyone anymore (on a conscious level)
I know karma's a bitch to all the liars.

:-)

Sat, 03 May 2008 00:58:13 GMT

I feel like there is nobody at home who would be happy that I'm coming home on Tuesday.
>.<

Anyways, Im probably going to fail my chem final tomorrow, so cheerio!

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 04:20:32 GMT

Been awhile since I updated with anything meaningful.
I've been watching a lot of gameshows lately, while studying for my finals.
I did very poorly on the first set of exams this semester, due to the emotional rollercoaster of breaking up.
As such, I failed my first calculus and chemistry tests and got a D on my first biology exam.
>.<

So I am guaranteed to be kicked out of the Honors college because it is literally impossible for me to get a 3.5 this semester.
I can get an A in world civ but that's it.
I can get a B- tops in calculus if I ace this test tomorrow and probably a B in chemistry with a B- in biology.

Luckily I am not yet kicked out of the early assurance pharmacy program, so my hopes are not yet totally lost.
Been spending a lot of time with Chris, and we've been really good about studying hard.

I'm super excited for this summer, thought I'm really going to miss him.
He helped me out of a really depressed and hard time.
I'm finally starting to feel truly optimistic about my future like I haven't in at least a year...

If anyone heard any rumors or just wants to know, no I still don't do drugs.
Early this semester I took a short dip into pre-alcoholism, but Chris quickly pulled me out of that.
It's funny how he can manipulate me away from danger without manipulating me at all.

That's about all the news in my life right now. I'll be home soon, so if anyone wants/yearns/can't live without visiting me soon (pleaseplease!) let me know!!

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 22:29:07 GMT

He's gay.
Mike wanted me to say that.

I'm writing this from governors.
All the boys are watching me to wait until I finish so they can play Tactics Ogre.

Ok I guess I'll let them get to that.
I'm a SIREN!!
THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES
I have a part in a non-RPG and it's so sweet.
I'm so mystical magical fabulous and HOT.

Though I'm blonde so its stupid ;)

Needless to say it's been all right day though I had to get my service assignment today .

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 20:39:25 GMT

Somedays I wish I were beautiful and simple like the bunnies at the mansion.